Forever Alone

I used to think….. How do people feel lonely? How can you feel lonely? Like… Just hang out with your friends if you do get lonely. But recently I realised that I've been feeling lonely too. Me and my school friends are nowhere near as tight as we were in the last two years. We don't even bother hanging out with each other anymore. I had a conversation with my supposedly "best" friend at school on Facebook the other day, and it felt AWKWARD. I understand how conversations are awkward in person, but how can they be awkward online? I guess it does happen with randoms but we used to be close. It felt so weird having a conversation with him online.

This happens to my badminton friends as well but for more obvious reasons, since I've quit badminton I haven't seen any of them in ages. The only non-awkward conversations I have are with my other group of friends at school, which I'm not too close with and I DON'T want to be close with anyways. And this leaves me with church friends. I never have an awkward convo online or in person with church friends, but I still don't feel like we are super tight. I mean we are close, and have DMC's and things like that but there's no one I can talk to that actually helps me out when I have a problem. They do try but they say the same things as a normal friend would say when trying to help you out.

I actually envy people who have their close friends where they can tell pretty much anything to, and friends who actually ask “How's your day?” and listen etc. etc.

MAN I WISH I HAD FRIENDS. OR a girlfriend.  ;D

Gonna be a busy as one and a half weeks, starting from tomorrow. So probs won't blog till I'm in HK :)

Goodbye :)

Boredom

Hi :)

Guess what!! I finished all my exams. :D ….And all I have to do is wait for Hong Kong . <3 It felt so weird when I finished my maths exam. The whole years work of maths and the stacks of past papers just came down to 3 hours.  After the last maths exam, I don't have to ever do AS maths stuff again. I don't really see the point in doing this just to get into uni, cos it's not like I'm going to ever use perms and combs for ARCHITECT but… Oh well. Its university requirements so I just go with the flo. I guess it proves that you are smart and you can learn useless complicated things quickly, but that's about it.  ._.

I thought after exams, life would be great and I would feel relaxed and chilled as... But it isn't. I'm not saying that I want to go back to studying but when I still had exams I had something to do. Something meaningful at least. But now, it’s just going out with friends, doing stupid stuff, sitting at home in front of laptop, and doing nothing productive. LIFE IS BORING AND UNINTERESTING. I normally get this feeling at the END of the holidays but I'm getting it on the first day... Which is bad. I don't know what I'm missing though.  T.T  IT JUST FEELS SO EMPTY. I wish I get to leave New Zealand earlier now because after exams it feels like there is nothing left to do in New Zealand. Before I didn't want to leave so early because I miss the people here, but now it seems that no one bothers trying to hang out, so might as well leave soon!! =D

I honestly cannot wait to go Hong Kong, I hope it would help me find some entertainment. I miss the food, clothes, shoes, the dirtiness and the smelliness. AND OF COURSE the people!! (Friends and family  :D). I still remember last time I went to Hong Kong. First month was SO MUCH FUN but afterwards it got so boring. Hopefully this time it will be better since we are coming back earlier :) I even made a list of what to do at Hong Kong so I don't forget anything this time hehe. I hope I actually get close to my cousin this time too, cos last time I went to Hong Kong I didn't live with her and it was no fun... :(

I've also tried reading the bible, cos I heard in church how people get an empty feeling, and that's where GOD is supposed to come in. But when I start reading it, it's always about a random story that doesn't relate to me whatsoever, and doesn't help much. I wish I can get some advice from the bible, like other people do when they read it, but nothing stands out that can actually help me... Even at krave and Saturdays church it’s just the same every time, it’s more like a routine than anything else. Maybe it's my attitude but I don’t know how to change it.

LIFE  IS BORING.

There's this dude who is like. my best friend. and all i trust in is pretty much him. (NO HOMO OKAES? ;D) . He is mixed. Half chirese and half white dude. In fact. I like mixed girls, because my best buddy is mixed. And, well, mixed girls are pretty. And mixed people have then been my focus. Especially for girls. I like half casts, they're sexay.